Coping Skills

It seems to me that it is very difficult to learn how to cope with disappointment and failure. It isn't just me and my family that has a problem with it either. And other's failure to cope increases the need for us to learn how, and teach our children how, to deal with peoples lack of coping skills.

I have the choice right now to stay vague, and everyone reading this will just say, "huh?" Or I can give a specific example of what I mean. I am trying to decide how I want to handle this. I'm not trying to be suspenseful. I have to wonder if I am writing this blog as a coping tool for myself. If it is, then maybe I won't post this. I better get back to the point.

Upstage Theatre for Youth is a valuable asset to my family...most of the time. I have been able to see my girls grow and either blossom, or begin to blossom from it. I have seen Dawn develop some great skills, and get out of her comfort zone. I have been able to feel like our family is more of a part of our community. We have been able to meet, interact, and become friends with great people. And all of this is invaluable to me.

Now here is a but, and it's a big but. The politics involved are horrible. It seems with this play, it's even worse. Because Dawn is on the board, she often feels a huge weight and responsibility, to the point of it often seeming overwhelming. While she loves helping all of the great kids, she has frustrations, and heartache that keeps it from being always fulfilling. She is a performer at heart, and understands, and shares the desire of all these kids to amaze the audience. She wishes that she had the ability and time to perform more often. So, instead, she is facilitaing this opportunity for our kids. I love this devotion.

This devotion, responsibility, and love makes it difficult when politics pollute this program. It's for our kids that we do this. There are people who don't know how to deal with failure. So they try to find ways to cope with it. Many of the kids and parents handle it well. But there are a few parents and kids that spoil the whole experience. I think that they are more interested in focusing on how they were wronged than figuring out what they can do to improve their own situation.

In order to better communicate with kids in our area who want to be a part of Upstage, our friend, and fellow boardmember Michelle, maintains a blog. Unfortunately, this seems to be more of a forum for frustrated parents to unload on the Upstage Board. It affords anonymity, and some parents are taking full advantage of it. They make accusations, twist facts, and vent their frustration. The hard part, is that because it is anonymous, we can't respond directly to them. So they stay frustrated, as well as the board. I think that if parents keep doing this, they should'nt allow anyone but the board comment on the blog. That, in some ways, defeats the purpose of the blog.

The thing that has me the most frustrated is an experience that Emily had at school today. I need to preface this by saying that I am assuming that this is related to Upstage. I don't know for certain, but some of the things said seem to indicate it. I know that these children are having to learn to deal with the crushing heartache of not being in the play. It feels like a failure, that they're being excluded, and that life isn't fair. But there are appropriate ways to cope with these feelings. Talking behind people's back isn't appropriate. One of Emily's peers over heard two kids saying that Emily is ugly, that she hates all the Garrett's, and specifically mentioned Megan. That peer than told Emily, and broke her heart.

It seems like there is no reward for anyone when these kind of actions occur. The parents of children who weren't cast, and those children, feel anger, jealousy, rejection. Then they react in a way that makes my family feel anger, rejection, and confusion. Now I worry how my family will react, and what will come out of that. This is also making it difficult for Dawn to want to continue this service. I wish that we all just understood the full situation, and could learn to cope with it.
I know that some of these parents think that it's easier for me to say, because my kids are all in the play. But, if those parents are willing to put in as much effort as Dawn does, wouldn't they expect that they could have their kids there with them also. Do they really feel that their kids should be excluded just because they are helping? I don't know.

I hope that I can teach my kids better ways to cope. If I haven't...I'm sorry, and will keep trying.